Honor or Betrayal?

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Last week I wrote about loving and losing our non-human friends.  It was a difficult essay for me to write because of the recent losses my family and friends endured.  It also opened some old wounds when I had to say goodbye to my dog Cosmo, just four short years ago this month.

When Cosmo died, I was devastated.  I wasn’t sure how I would continue to function on a daily basis, especially since my work is helping people and their dogs live happily together.  How would I be able to council someone on developing a great friendship with their dog when my own beloved friend was now gone from my life?  

After he died, I didn’t want to leave my house without my best buddy riding next to me as he did for almost 12 years, and yet I didn’t want to stay in my house either – the void was just too great to bear.   It was even more difficult when I’d see my other dog Cecil, watch the door,  waiting for his friend who would never come home again.  

Struggling with my loss, I swore up and down that I would never replace him.  Not only did I not want to endure the pain again, but that getting another dog would be a dishonor to him and his memory.  Besides, I told myself, I’d always compare another dog to him and that wouldn’t be fair to the new dog.  No, I thought firmly, I will never betray my friend Cosmo.  

Three days later…  

I wasn’t strong enough to bear the emptiness.  I needed bring another dog into my life.  I decided that since Cosmo was no longer with me, I’d give another dog in need a chance at life.  Of course, that dog would never replace Cosmo. 

My wife and I took a ride to our local shelter.  We looked at many dogs there, all of them in such desperate need of a home of their own, but I needed to give more thought to bringing another dog home so soon.   That evening, I looked at some photos that a friend who runs a rescue had posted online.  One picture grabbed me.  

I can’t say what it was about her picture that made me pause and really look deeper.  The dog in the photo wasn’t exactly the type of dog I would normally look at.  I had a preference for larger dogs and this one was small to medium.  Yet there was something about her that prompted me to inquire further.  I messaged my friend and we set up a meet and greet a few days later.

Vanora, what the rescue was calling her, was nothing like the type of dog I was partial to.  First of all, she was a she, and I always had a preference for males.  Secondly, she was smaller than I usually liked and was brindle-colored, which I didn’t really care for.  Meeting her didn’t go so well, either.  She never really looked at me – she kept shifting her gaze to the squirrels and chipmunks that were running around in the field we were in.  It’s not that she didn’t want to engage with me, but she preferred viewing the wildlife more.  How could I ever connect with this small, distracted, brindle female?  

I’m happy to say that Vanora, now named Bhakti (which means devotion in Sanskrit), has been the light of my life for the past four years.  She is different than any dog I’ve ever had the privilege to share my life with.  We have a connection that is on the same level that I had with Cosmo.  

In the beginning, I struggled with the thought that I had somehow betrayed Cosmo by loving Bhakti.  It felt almost like I was cheating on him, and that he would be jealous.  The more I thought about it, the more I realized that I wasn’t  betraying Cosmo, I was honoring him.  I remembered a line from my all-time favorite film “Harold and Maude”.  In a scene where Maude was dying, Harold tearfully said to her, “Don’t die, Maude, I love you!”  Her response was the most profound message I ever heard when it comes to loving and losing: “That’s wonderful! Now go and love some more.”

There is a quote that is credited to the Buddha which says: “Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared.”    I believe this is true with love, too.  When our beloved friends leave us, sharing our love with another dog does not diminish our first love, it only strengthens it.  Our friends will always occupy unique places in our hearts; nothing can ever replace them.  By adding more love to our lives with another dog who needs us, we greatly honor the memory of our departed friends. Not just tucked away in our hearts, but in the daily expression of love we give the friends that are with us.

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Author: Path of Friendship™

Corey Cohen is an animal behaviorist, mindfulness and emotional intelligence instructor with over 33 years of helping people connect to their dogs on a deeper level. His unique Mindfulness-Based Animal Behavior Therapy™ and his Path of Friendship™ programs are inspiring alternatives to standard dog training. His mindfulness seminars for individuals, universities, wellness centers, and top corporations has helped reduce stress and anxiety and given people a fresh perspective on life. He is the owner of A New Leash on Life Animal Behavior Services in Northeastern PA and Northern NJ. He’s also the owner of Awakenings Meditation in Northeastern PA.

2 thoughts on “Honor or Betrayal?”

  1. Thank you for these inspiring thoughts. I just lost my senior Golden boy a few weeks ago and I miss him terribly. Planning to rescue again as I did for him. He would approve!
    By the way, I LOVE “Harold and Maude”!!!!

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